Words

POEMS for yo’ ass
I’m missing some of these, notably the classic “Vendon’t” by Mr Seabo. Bah.

Got any of these lost works? Send em in!

Baguette Arms by Chrid

Butter him up, he likes that.
Dip his elbow in soup
Mind your carpet, he leaves crumbs.
When it rains he stays in his flat.
Unfortunately his fingers
are like crab sticks.

Cliff by Cycloid

One day i stood upon a cliff
it was immensly tall
so a step forward i did take
and i began to fall

i fell and fell towards the ground
my life now out of reach
and since that day upon the cliff
ive been upon the beach

Baguette by Chrid

Does this taste like bread? Does it?
How much like bread? A lot? A very lot like bread?
I said.
Yes, just like bread, the lady said.
A really lot like bread.
Good, I said. It was doing my head
in

Gettin About by Seabs

Lets breed some slugs with hardened backs
a bit like snails really but never mind that
next we`ll chop down a mighty tree
for its planks that we need don`t you see
then it`s off to the corner shop for some glue
to stick a plank too our shoe
and then glue the slugs too the plank
it`s a mystery to me that its never been done
cus travellin on a slug ski ain`t half fun.

Cardy by Seabs

You know there`s a cardy in which you can survive
in all kinds of weathers it`ll keep you alive
in the right hand pocket you`ll find a mint
in the left hand one you`ll find some flint
fire is no bother and nor is your breath
so now you can laugh in the face of death
with the fantastic reliable outdoor cardy
lets walk into the unknown and have a pardy

Gravy Boat by Chrid

A boat usually sails on the sea
but that's not this vessel's destiny
it sails on a lake that's made of cloth
and holds within it a meaty broth
Boats are made of wood or steel
and don't sit on the table during your meal.
This boat is made of kiln-fired pot
and holds your gravy while it's hot
As I look at the chips upon my plate
I soberly ponder the gravy boat's fate.

Underwhere? by Taylor the Aler

Unexplained, a mystery
baffling, quite literally
will someone please illuminate me
where`s me pants

They`re watching me, giggling, just out of sight
or grew legs and scarpered out into the night
how can you lose something coloured so bright?
where`s all me pants

I`ve looked in the cupboard and rifled the drawer
searched through the wreckage that once was a floor
I do not know where to look anymore
where`s all me bastard pants

Meat by Chrid

Tasty meat, upon my platter,
Covered with pastry and with batter,
What did you do when you were alive?
Did you graze in pastures green?
Did you frolic under the summer sky?
Now you're small chunks in my pie.
Sausages, mash, gravy, and peas
A dinner fit for a ruler of men
You didn't know about than then
You just looked around at the sky and the trees
Most farm animals are easy to please.

Best Excuse by Big D

It's folly to think I could be thin.
To munch on grub with no calories in.
Living on things that taste of card.
To prevent my vessels from going hard.
Suffering Sunday beef as thin as paper.
So I might die just a little bit later.
I choose not to fast, not to be glum.
And enjoy the comfort of my well cushioned bum.


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